Dear Abby: Hidden camera captures mom’s trash talk

Dear Abby My mother is and living alone after my dad passed Her memory is failing She in recent weeks fell and required shoulder surgery This wasn t her first fall she has also broken her hip within the past four years I installed a camera in her den so I could periodically check in to see if she was OK I didn t tell Mom about the camera because I knew she wouldn t agree My intent was only to be able to check in on her I try to visit her at least four times a week Of late when I viewed the video I overheard a conversation between her and my brother During the conversation she made a lot of negative comments about me related to my being authorized on her checking account Abby my income is in the six figures and Mom lives on a month It was extremely upsetting because I have tried hard to make sure she had what she needed I can t begin to tell you how much hearing the negative comments she made hurt My mother has never been a loving person however I continue to make great efforts to do the right thing when it comes to her What is your advice Dutiful Daughter in Alabama Dear Daughter Your idea of installing the assurance camera was a good one considering the fact that she has become accident-prone Have a talk with your mother Tell her without revealing that you have the camera that you love her but think it is time for your brother to assume the responsibility of taking care of her financial affairs It will be engaging to see how she reacts to that suggestion If she is fine with it you will know it is time to step back Dear Abby I am a grandmother of three and was particularly close with one of the girls When she was younger she d come to visit for months at a time We live in different states She seemed to change when she was in college Because I wasn t hearing from her I questioned her mom how she was doing When she heard about my inquiry my granddaughter got very nasty She explained that I should ask her if I want to know anything about her and to keep her mother out of it When I explained that I only demanded her mom because I don t hear from her she blocked me from her social media and no longer returns my messages or phone calls I miss her and the relationship we had very much Should I let it go or keep trying Heartbroken in the South Dear Heartbroken Your granddaughter may not have sought her mother nagging her about not having enough contact with you or she wasn t confident having her mother act as go-between She also may feel entitled to a private life Ordinarily I would suggest that you write or call her and apologize However since she has blocked those means of communication try putting your thoughts into a letter with a stamp on it if you have her street address If that fails you may have to wait to communicate with your granddaughter until she grows up enough to recognize that she overreacted Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA